I had a moment in yoga last night. It was strange, amazing and totally...unexpected. I have been trying really hard to get back into my practice but am still a long way from where I was a few months ago. I walked to class tonight - a good 1.5 miles through the sketchiest part of downtown - and arrived early. And for those that know me well, probably know that I am almost NEVER early. Right on time -- maybe. A little late -- probably. Early -- NEVER.
Getting there early allowed me to stake out a good spot and do a little pre class stretching and socializing. I even ended up making a new friend who I am excited to yoga it up with again soon. Once class started, I felt so relaxed and present. I had been disconnected from my electronics for a solid 15-20 minutes prior to the start of class and was already totally focused. But for me, it was focus in a very different way.
You see...I didn't totally understand this until tonight...
But I'm usually the girl in class who is pushing, "efforting through class" (as my yoga instructor at yoga school once told me), challenging myself, striving for...??? Striving for, I don't know. Something. Perfection, maybe. I never understood what anyone meant by "efforting through class" or understood why they would think I was doing that. I just figured I was doing yoga like everybody else.
Tonight, was different. I approached class with a different attitude. I didn't feel like I would be the best or could be the best or should be the best. I was just there to practice. I'm not sure what caused the attitude shift - whether it was taking a few too many weeks off or just generally feeling out of shape - but I'm so glad it happened. For the first time ever, while we were moving and flowing, I realized a huge difference in my practice. A real difference. Not just some on the surface deeper expression of a posture (like kicking my leg straighter) but something truly deep. I was really listening to my body, my breathing and getting lost in nothing but the yoga. I didn't have anything else on my brain. I had no ego. I had no expectation. I just wanted to practice yoga. And it was the best practice of my life.
While we were lying in Savasana, I suddenly realized I had tears coming out of my eyes. As corny as that sounds and as much as it pains me to share this publicly, it's the truth. I was literally laying there in my pile of sweat with tears of bliss streaming down my face. I have never felt better. I have never felt more connected or happy or loved. Or...good. I felt really good.