Transformation Tuesday Thinkings
It’s been over a year now since I embarked on this weird, terrifying, overwhelming journey of weight loss. I posted a while back about my transformation and my bikini competitor prep, but what I left out was all the behind the scenes bullshit that goes on.
Behind the scenes… when the curtain is drawn… the things that people I (we) encounter daily… the struggle… the fight… the tears… the sweat… the sadness… the dedication… the hard work… the money… the appointments… the physical, mental, emotional… the things that are beneath the surface and hidden behind the curtain.
I’ve been on this bikini prep now for a while. Yes it’s easier, yes I’m in the home stretch. Yes I’ll get on stage knowing that I gave it my all and did my best for the past 6 months. Yes, I am absolutely scared out of my damn mind.
My progress shows the aesthetic side.. the physical side.. people see me and say Oh, you’re skinny.. Oh, I didn’t recognize you, Oh, you look great, Oh let me see your muscles… I bet you have abs….
No I don’t. Not daily, and not all day long. I woke up with tiny baby abs on my 30th birthday. I drank a glass of water and they vanished. It happens. I have permanent oblique dents as you can see in the picture. Muscle..muscle that needs to be fed and nurtured. Muscles that hurt and ache and get tight and make me uncomfortable if I forget to foam roll or stretch.
What you don’t see are the tears I cry IN and out of the gym, the hours I spend cooking food, the time I spend shopping for food, the money I spend buying food (Costco should have a special card and checkout line for people like us), the time I spend diffusing the negative thoughts in my brain, the time I spend doubting myself and my strength. The emotional toll it takes on me and my loved ones. The physical exhaustion. The mental exhaustion. The sheer exhaustion.
You don’t see all these things behind the scene, below the surface. You see me… full of coffee, exhausted, worn out, sore, tired, whiny, but with a smile on my face. No, prep isn’t pretty, weight loss isn’t easy, building muscle is fucking hard. I wake up every morning thankful that I have this body, this life, this opportunity to become the best me that I can be. I have good days and bad. I could say that I can do this on my own, but truthfully I couldn’t; a support system is necessary. So necessary. People to uplift you, push you, and motivate you when are feel like shit and don’t want to step foot in the gym. People to not question your food choices, comment on your lunch or the fact that you’re eating AGAIN, people who are positive and supportive. You may not understand it, but it’s not for you to understand. I will help you understand if you ask, but don’t criticize me or pick me apart or comment if you can’t be supportive. If you’re curious, ask, but don’t judge. Remember, I’m human too. Just because I can’t eat what you eat or drink what you drink right now doesn’t mean I don’t want to go out and do things. It simply means that we may have to pick a place that works for all of us, or have a picnic instead!
So there’s the behind the scenes. The good, bag, ugly, sweaty, tearful behind the scenes. Take it or leave it… or share in my journey and support me and every other individual on this roller coaster. Let’s uplift and support one another. Remember, behind the scenes we all have struggles. It’s what you do with the struggle that makes you, You.